Questions of the Non-Native Bike Commuter in Portland, OR

Shit, did anyone see that?

Am I feeling sweat or mist on my face?

Do Oregon STOP signs actually say, “STOP. And wait for every other lane to go. Twice?”

Is it possible to simultaneously bike and drink coffee?

What the hell is that sme–ew, is it compost pick-up day?

Did that driver with the “SHARE THE ROAD” license plate just cut me off?

Where the hell did this hill come from?

How is it possible to be this sweaty after 18 minutes on a bike?

Will the calories burned on this bike ride cancel out the calories from my late-night Voodoo doughnut consumption?

What happens if one of my tires catches in the MAX light rail track?

Did I just ride by Carrie Brownstein?

Wonder how many drivers can see my crack?

How can he even pedal in jeans that tight?

Can’t believe I’m missing Morning Edition, wonder what they are talking about on NPR right now?

Did he just give me the fellow-bike-commuter-head-nod-of-approval?!

Ohhhh… or was he just trying to hide his hipster laughter because my helmet is securely fastened and my lights are flashing in broad daylight while he bikes in dark colors with his emo bangs flowing freely?

Are those tattoos, or is her arm actually blue?

How effective is the padding in those bike shorts?

Is there some sort of etiquette about biking through funeral processions?

When people use the term “drafting,” is this what they’re talking about?

What makes curved handlebars so much sexier than straight handlebars?

Is that hideous, gear-crunching noise coming from my bike?

How long are brakes supposed to last exactly?

When I arrive at my destination am I supposed to leave my right pant leg rolled up?

Bikers are supposed to treat STOP signs as suggestions, right?

At what point is riding on the sidewalks frowned upon?

What exactly constitutes a flat tire?

Did I remember my re-useable shopping bags today?

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